New Year - New Start?

Christmas was not as bad as I thought it would be. It was quiet with just me and the kids but that's the way I like it. I am not one for all the family gatherings. My counciller would say I am hiding. I don't think it's that. I just like it to be me and the guys. No family drama. 

Today has not been so good though. Got a phone call this morning from the police. Apparently he was in court today locally. Its the first round of court procedures as it makes it's way up to the major courts. He was charged with 114 separate counts of abuse. I asked after his welfare being the person that I am. He was nonchalant.. How can that be? Obviously I had to share the information with the children. My daughter was at first good with it. But I noticed as the day progressed we were all getting snappy with each other. So by evening time I decided to talk about the elephant in the room and ask each of them how they felt. My son's were in two minds for as they both said he was their daddy for so long. They did not realize the extent of the abuse and how long it went on for until we spoke to them today about it. I think this is all going to take time to sink in with them. They both admitted to missing him and well I cannot blame them for that for even though he hurt them it was not as bad as what my daughter suffered. 

I sent the lads out of the room so I could talk to my daughter on her own as she began to cry and well was adamant she did not want to talk about it.  That is never a good sign with her and I approached it by telling her how I felt about him which right now is "He can rot in hell for all I care, if I see him again in this lifetime its way too soon" after I said that she opened up and talked about it. She feels the same as me. This roller coaster of feelings is hard to take. Lately I have not thought about him and what he did everyday and today was like a punch in the gut. I know this is just the start of this and they need me now more than ever. I just hope the bastard does not recount he's guilty plea and put us through a trial. I have talked about possibly keeping the lines of communication open for the boys sake and for his. I am pretty sure my daughter never wants to talk to him again but I am not so sure now. That bastard he hurt her big time.. how can I let my lads talk to him now. He deserves everything he gets. No doubt I will swing back and forth with emotion there is no wrong or right way to do this. Just our way and what's right for us.