New Year - New Start?

Christmas was not as bad as I thought it would be. It was quiet with just me and the kids but that's the way I like it. I am not one for all the family gatherings. My counciller would say I am hiding. I don't think it's that. I just like it to be me and the guys. No family drama. 

Today has not been so good though. Got a phone call this morning from the police. Apparently he was in court today locally. Its the first round of court procedures as it makes it's way up to the major courts. He was charged with 114 separate counts of abuse. I asked after his welfare being the person that I am. He was nonchalant.. How can that be? Obviously I had to share the information with the children. My daughter was at first good with it. But I noticed as the day progressed we were all getting snappy with each other. So by evening time I decided to talk about the elephant in the room and ask each of them how they felt. My son's were in two minds for as they both said he was their daddy for so long. They did not realize the extent of the abuse and how long it went on for until we spoke to them today about it. I think this is all going to take time to sink in with them. They both admitted to missing him and well I cannot blame them for that for even though he hurt them it was not as bad as what my daughter suffered. 

I sent the lads out of the room so I could talk to my daughter on her own as she began to cry and well was adamant she did not want to talk about it.  That is never a good sign with her and I approached it by telling her how I felt about him which right now is "He can rot in hell for all I care, if I see him again in this lifetime its way too soon" after I said that she opened up and talked about it. She feels the same as me. This roller coaster of feelings is hard to take. Lately I have not thought about him and what he did everyday and today was like a punch in the gut. I know this is just the start of this and they need me now more than ever. I just hope the bastard does not recount he's guilty plea and put us through a trial. I have talked about possibly keeping the lines of communication open for the boys sake and for his. I am pretty sure my daughter never wants to talk to him again but I am not so sure now. That bastard he hurt her big time.. how can I let my lads talk to him now. He deserves everything he gets. No doubt I will swing back and forth with emotion there is no wrong or right way to do this. Just our way and what's right for us. 

Chasing my tail - Christmas is coming

Guilt setting in.. Again.. This is a constant cycle of good and bad. He has been playing on my mind a lot lately.. I don't know why ..Why the hell should I feel guilty just because Christmas is coming or what? I mean hell he put himself there my conscious brain tells me that a lot but then what was my part in this..

1. I fell in love with him
2. I moved over there with my children to be with him.
3. I chose him
4. Sub-consciously I see the signs.
5. I was not forceful enough when asking both of them.
6. I did not protect my daughter.
7. I blame myself for not stopping it sooner.
8. I stuck my head in the sand and was happy to do it.

Why did I do that?? this is a question that is going to haunt me. I know this is not my fault I did not hurt my daughter. I love her more than anything. But I allowed him in. This is like a cycle of guilt.. Why do I keep blaming myself.

We are coming up on a year anniversary of kicking him out. I think this is why its playing on my mind so much where was a culpable in this. What blame should I own if any.

I have to shake this and move forward, I am worried about Christmas, I know I don't have much money and my kids don't ask for much. I am just hoping I can pull it out of the bag. They are teenagers they want expensive things like new phones.. *sighs* wish me luck on that.  I don't know what I am going to do. Its not just Christmas due to bad planning on my part its their birthday's either side of the holidays.

Even getting the decorations are hard for me for its a reminder of last year when everything went so wrong, so badly wrong and then just before the boys birthday my daughter blurted the truth.

You know that asshole even threatened her on the phone after I threw him out.. I mean what the hell. Okay I am getting mad again. I threw him out of the home and I was being a good person allowing him contact and he threatened her and I still did not see. It was not until the threat of him coming round on the boys birthday that she told the truth and since then my life has been full of thoughts, guilt and questions. I feel like I am coming out of it then I think of him in prison and I feel guilty again even my daughter has shared with me that she feels guilty for putting him there. Then you know what I say to her "He put himself there, don't own his guilt" I wish I could believe that myself.

Child Abuse - My Views - Raising your Children 1

There are many forms of abuse and when we are talking about child abuse, most automatically jump to the obvious one - Sexual Abuse - This is not the only form. You have - Physical Abuse - Emotional Abuse - Neglect.

How you raise your children is a reflection on you and your controls. Being raised in a bad home yourself is no excuse in my opinion, to inflict the same upbringing on your own children. You have to recognize that the way you were raised maybe not be the right way. There are cycles of abuse you can break. You have to stand up and break them. Your children did not ask to be born and its up to you to give them the best of yourself you can and not scar them with your actions.

I am going to talk about in this blog about the various forms of abuse. If this just get read by one parent and they can see where they are going wrong and it helps them change their ways and in turn gives their children a better life then this is not in vain. I can say I helped, I contributed.

I will cover one form of abuse and it may go over a few posts. I am not sure because I am just writing this off the cuff and getting down in some sort of print the stuff that goes on in my mind.

Being a parent is one of the most hardest and underrated jobs in the world. We are raising the future here. Not just a kid. Children are our legacy, and they are the mark we leave on this world when we are gone. It is up to us as parents to give them the best we possibly can. There is no such thing as a perfect parent we all make mistakes and have failures. Being a good parent is recognizing that first off and then correcting the mistakes to make their lives easier.

In recent years children have changed drastically and they face so much more than we could ever imagine. They are bombarded everyday with negatives. With the changes in our society, children are being raised more by the media and their peers then having parental guidance than ever and that is the sad state we live in today. It is up to us to stop this cycle. I understand when both parents have to work but you also have a duty to be their for your children. If there is anyway you could give up working and go home and raise your children I would implore you to do so. You don't need all the material stuff and credit cards. They won't help you when you turn to look at your son at 16 and you don't even recognize him. Gone are the precious years, gone is the little boy that hung on your every word. He has been replaced by a brooding teenager who at the cross roads in his life is missing one vital thing. The guidance he needs to make the right choices. To not drink alcohol, to not do drugs .. To not be having sex. This is their most vital time, if you did your job up to now you will have well rounded kids who want more out of life. Who want to succeed and not fall into the trappings of today's teenagers.


I have three teenage children who every night are at home with me. I know what I am talking about. When I fell pregnant with my first child I made a choice to stay at home and raise them. Yes, we did not have much money and even now we still struggle but we are a close nit family who love and respect one another. I did make mistakes and my biggest one was not seeing the abuse that was going on from my now ex partner but you got to understand, I was being abused too. I would put myself between him and them all the time to prevent it. But this post is not about that. This is about all the children. All the ones in the world I see everyday lost. It breaks my heart to see so many children nowadays who do not even know basic manners. Never display the most basic compassion. They have grown up so fast and most look to the media for information rather than ask their mom.. Something is very wrong and very broken in society for this to happen. We can all point to the broken home syndrome, the violence in video games or the violence on TV. Those are just EXCUSES. Most of the time its because the parents were not there at crucial times in their childrens lifes to guide them to make better choices.

Thats a parents job, to make your child feel like they matter. To listen to your child when they are talking. To praise your child when they do something good and to discipline your child when they do something bad. To answer their questions and be their soft place to fall when things don't go so well. To wrap your arms around them everyday no matter how big they get and tell them you love them. To respect them and give them the credit they deserve. My boys are huge now and we don't care where we are they will still hug me and tell me they love me. My daughter still cuddles up to me on the couch and we chat.. Even after all this. So I must be doing something right, so I am hoping by writing this I can help another parent do right by their children.

I will try and give advice.. so if you have any questions feel free to ask.. There are various ways you can contact me. The better ways are at the side of this blog. I will cover from 0 till whenever for once you have a child even when they are forty they will still need a hug from their mom. Its a job for life and one of the most rewarding jobs in the world.