Today started like yesterday.. overcast and constant rain. I wonder if that is having an effect on my general mood.. It could be.. who knows.. The burden seemed a bit lighter today though. I plugged back into the world. Did the usual grocery shop and after spending some time with the family I decided to get back to something I love to do. Role Play.
For those of you who don't know what that is. Its not something kinky.. lets get that straight. Its storytelling with a group of like minded people. Its usually based on a famous film or Tv series and my current one I am involved in helps take my mind off the crap in my real life. I suppose you can call it a means of escape.. In a way it is.. but we all need that to some extent. Call it a hobby.
I love to write, but since all this started it has been robbed from me. I had writers block for the longest time.. It was getting to the point where I thought it would never break. Do you know how frustrating that can be? The RP helped me break it .. its come back a little to some extent but thats because the pressure increased in my RL.. Hopefully it won't stick around long. I think that is another reason why I decided to write this. To cover my moods and feelings each day and deal as they arise and not have them buried within. To bury how you feel is not healthy and just leads to a breakdown .. That is not something I ever want.
My daughter has caught a cold.. Its so hard for her..I admire her strength..She amazes me each and every day. We have always had such a close bond. The Monster in our life's the one that is now gone but still overshadowing everything we do.. He twisted that bond.. used it as a weapon against her.. a threat to snatch her away from me.. To control her.. That is something that I am finding hard to deal with. Our bond is pure and to be sullied this way does not sit well with me. thankfully.. we have come out the other side now.. we still have some ways to go with legal things.. But her and I .. our bond is stronger than ever.
Now I am gonna take each day as it comes.. take one step at a time..eventually I will forgive myself and this blog will have a big part in that.
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